


Everyone is Gonna Love me Now

by serohtonin



Series: Lights Out [8]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Near Future, Past Infidelity, breakup angst, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3610089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Glee AU. Darren and Chris were together. Then they weren't. After two messy breakups, Darren tries to live and love without Chris Colfer, but he finds it harder than he expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone is Gonna Love me Now

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not claim any of the relationship surrounding these events to be true.

_Fall 2015_

It's raining for the third day in a row.

Darren sighs, tapping out random notes on his piano as he looks out the tall floor-to-ceiling window of his apartment.

On days like this, he really misses the fuck out of L.A.

But he had to get out of there, away from the stifling smog and the damn near perfect weather, not at all because of a certain someone who still crosses his mind every once in a while.

It's not like he _had_ to stay there anyway, without a steady job or relationship rooting him to the place. Sure, he misses the friends he has there and the life he built but he has friends almost everywhere else.

Plus, here in New York, he can start a new chapter of his career, or more accurately, he can continue writing an old one.

He's working with some amazing artists and producers to finish that album he's been chugging away on for years while also auditioning for some Broadway roles. Of course, he has a hand in Starkid as well, so life after Glee is far from quiet.

His romantic life is quiet too. 

He's been on a few dates but he can't quite find his groove here yet even after a few months.

Still, it’s all good. He's got great friends and more creative freedom, though he has to admit that he's usually more satisfied when in a committed and happy relationship.

He was happy with Chris for most of the three years that they were together and Chris was happy with him, at least until reality set in. Arguments about image, sneaking around, and trust issues had ultimately torn them apart.

After breaking up in the spring of last year, they had gone back and forth for months, having an affair while Chris was still dating someone else (Darren was single). It was illicit and messy and Darren decided that he needed a clean break, finally calling it quits for good in the fall.

He still regrets it at times but he looks back fondly on his professional and personal relationships with Chris, both of which include some amazing moments he'll never experience again. 

He treasures those memories, pulling them out on occasion when he gets nostalgic or lonely. Then he promptly buries them away in the past where they should stay.

He's in a new place now and he's moving on once and for all.

\----

Besides the occasional guest spot on television, Darren's mostly said goodbye to that arena for now and has decided to return to his roots in live theater.

Performing on stage is a whole other animal entirely. Feeding off the energy of a crowd is what Darren lives for when he has the chance. So far, however, he's only been able to inhabit himself, playing shows at bars and clubs at night while he searches for the perfect role during the day. He's had offers but none of them have felt quite right until now.

He's waiting on callbacks for two roles he really fucking wants, one of which his childhood self would jump at the chance to get. Hell, his adult self is jumping at it too, but given his background, it would be the safer, more predictable choice.

He's never gotten anywhere playing it safe.

The second role is sexier and a little darker than the role he's most known for by the mainstream public which is exactly why he would love to sink his teeth into it. Both of the roles are for musicals though and they could put a major strain on Darren's vocal chords if he still decides to finish an album.

Even so, those are the ones that he hopes to get after all of his recent auditions.

While he continues to wait and wonder about his next job, he tries to distract himself with writing some more songs despite the surplus he has for the album (he's supposed to narrow down his choices, not add more, the producers keep telling him).

He doesn't think he'll get the news now on a gray Sunday afternoon so when his phone rings and he sees that it's from his agent, his eyebrows shoot up in shock.

Then he immediately picks up.

"So what's the word?" Darren rushes out before he can even speak.

"You got both of them, Darren. _Aladdin_ and _Cabaret_ want you."

"Shit. That really doesn't help me in the decision making department."

"Well, the world is yours, including theatre. You just gotta take it."

Darren chuckles wryly. "I pay you to say things like that."

"I'm serious. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass like the last guy. You're a real talent, Darren. Any show would be lucky to have you."

When he relocated to New York, he switched agents as well, another clean break he had been meaning to make.

Still, Darren tries not to take this guy's praise at face value; after all, he wants to stay employed.

"I guess so. I'll have to think about which one to take."

"Don't think too long. A lot of people are dying for these roles. You know what they'll do to get 'em, Dare."

Part of him is glad he's never lowered himself onto the casting couch or to his knees in the way that his agent implies. He hates to think that anyone is legitimately desperate enough for a fucking role that they would use themselves like that.

But hey, to each their own.

It's just never going to be _his_ thing.

"I know," Darren finally answers. "I'll call you back in five."

He thinks of which show he'd enjoy working on more and which one he'd be prouder to let his parents see and he still comes up with a split decision. He's wanted to do _Cabaret_ for years, especially playing the Emcee, a role made widely known by one of his favorite theatre personalities, Alan Cumming, who he was lucky enough to meet late last year.

 _Aladdin_ would be amazing too, a more family-friendly role that would bring his career full-circle. After covering Disney tunes in his bedroom, it would be so fulfilling to sing a bunch of them on a real Broadway stage.

But it would also feel like more of the same and he wants to move forward.

So he thinks he'll try something completely new.

He calls back his agent and says, "I'm taking the Emcee, man."

"Great. I'll let them know right away."

He hangs up, pumped to start anew on the stage.

\----

First come dance rehearsals, however, an old routine that he has to work on adjusting to again. Move this way, turn that way, and learn every single line. The process is familiar, though the project and the people are different; he loves and hates the latter at the same time.

He learns that some of the performers have been with the production since the revival started last year. Thankfully, others are newbies just like him. Darren can't deny that they're a fun bunch to be around and that he would love to get to know each and every one of them but he can't get too invested in anyone on this job.

He knows better than that by now.

His run is only three months long anyway so he'll make acquaintances, learn their names and maybe exchange small talk over drinks after the show but that's all he do.

He'll have to quell his natural inclination to become everyone's buddy since he's discovered that there's a danger in getting too close. A perfect friendship can blossom into something beautiful and completely break down into a destructive mess.

He's done with messes.

\----

When he's not at the theatre or the dance studio, he's reading and rereading all the lines so that when they do the blocking he knows everything perfectly.

He's familiar with the play but he can't afford to half-ass anything. By the end of Glee, his on-again, off-again sexual affair with Chris had gotten him so off-balance that at least once every scene he'd have ask the PA for a line, or he would miss his cue and they'd have to start the whole scene over again; he doesn't have that luxury here.

But he does have the luxury of no longer gelling his hair since the stylist thought that it should be loose and a little wild; he doesn't have to groom the rest of his body hair as intensely either, which he's also thankful.

When his opening night finally arrives, he stares in the mirror and doesn't recognize himself: from the pale body makeup covering his nearly naked torso, save for suspenders joined by a bow tie in the middle, to the red lipstick and wild curls, he _is_ the Emcee.

He loses himself even further in the role onstage, gyrating with women and men alike so openly in front of the entire audience and feeling sexually liberated as every number passes.

Sweat drips from Darren's brow and his nearly thirty-year-old muscles ache when he comes back to himself, but all his fellow performers compliment him on a job well done.

Now all he has to do is wait for reviews.

\-----

He doesn't like reading reviews; this time, however, it's essential in keeping his job and boosting his ego until he becomes more accustomed to the role.

He scrolls through his phone before changing into his costume one night and finds that the reviews range from mediocre to stellar with only a couple of terrible ones thrown into the mix.

A slightly curvy redheaded dancer named Lacey, who plays one of the "Two Ladies" in the song of the same name, happens to walk by just then and when she pokes him in the side, he looks up.

"Heard you're not half bad. Maybe they'll keep you around." She grins.

\----

He gets a beer and a burger with her at a diner after the show and when they're done talking about all the mishaps they endured on stage that night, she asks him about his living arrangements.

"So are you permanently moving here or is this another limited engagement?"

The abrupt turn makes Darren raise his eyebrows, though with another sip of his drink, he answers. "I'm living out here for now and I'm doing the show for a few months. Might stay in the city after I'm done though."

"Didn't want to do TV anymore?"

He thinks back to his last day at Glee, tightly hugging Lea, Chord, Jane, Matt, and even the crew members, but sharing a frosty gaze with Chris, who he had finally broken up with shortly before that.

Every memory from that day sends a phantom pain to his chest as he grips his beer bottle, taking a long drag from it and then explaining, "Honestly, there will never be anything remotely like what I had on that job for a number of reasons. It was fucking amazing but I needed a change of scenery so I thought why not New York?"

If she sees any trace of hurt in his eyes, she thankfully ignores it, clinking their glasses instead. "Exactly. Why the fuck not? It's got nothing on L.A."

Darren laughs. "Yeah, except warmer weather, greater proximity to most of my family, and some really cool friends of mine."

She shrugs, her sparkling green eyes curiously gazing at him. "So I'm not cool, Darren?"

"I didn't say that." He smirks. "Oh, there's a killer music scene there too."

"Thanks for completely undermining my opinion." She raises one perfectly sculpted brow, her expression turning to challenging yet playful, so reminiscent of Chris that it sends shivers down Darren's spine. "And your own, by the way."

Darren blinks, downing more of his drink. "Can we just say they're both cool for different reasons?"

"Compromise? What fun is that?"

"Well there's no real way to settle the score. It's a matter of opinion, man. New York is gray and gritty and L.A. is bright and sunny. Totally different lifestyles. It's like comparing Shakespeare and reality TV."

She chuckles and with a smile playing across her lips she looks kind of cute. "Did you really just liken New York to Shakespeare?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I'm already feeling a buzz. It's been awhile since I--I don't drink much anymore," he confesses.

He drank to forget Chris after they broke up the first time. Then he drank some more several months later when Chris admitted that he still loved Darren but that it wasn't enough to leave his current boyfriend. After that he started having sex with Chris again anyway and nearly blacked out shortly after they called it quits once more, unable to handle the tug of war on his heart.

"Oh." She grows quiet, concern etched on her face. "Are you--Will you be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he assures her. "Sorry to get kinda heavy there."

"It's okay. We all have our shit to deal with."

He nods, finishing the rest of his beer and taking a huge bite of his burger.

He lets the conversation hit a lull, thinking that he had been over the past.

Maybe that's not so true after all.

\----

She walks him home, five blocks away from where they ate.

"We can walk everywhere here. Plus one in the New York column." She makes an imaginary check mark in the air with her finger.

"Who says you can't walk in the stifling heat of southern California with paparazzi tailing you down the street?"

"God, in the few weeks that I've known you, that was the most Hollywood thing I've ever heard you say."

They cross the street, two blocks from Darren's place and Darren laughs again. "I promise not to be a pretentious douchebag ex-TV star again."

"I'll hold you to that."

This time her smiles blinds him and he shivers for a reason other than the autumn wind. He doesn't make any move toward her though, instead burying his hands in his pockets while they wait at the next corner.

"Aww, why so shy?" Lacey asks with a flirtatious lilt. "We only dance together and grope each other on stage almost every night."

"Gotta maintain some mystery, if I even have any left at this point."

"I see."

They walk across the street once traffic is clear and then down the street a little further until they reach Darren's apartment building.

"Well, this is me. I had a good time, Lace."

"Me too. We should do it again."

He studies her hopeful face and he can't help mirroring it.

"Sure. Sounds good."

He watches her walk away, wondering how this new connection will play out. Another repeat of the past is not on his to-do list.

\----

After their performance, he ends up hanging out with Lacey once a week at the same diner that they went to that first night.

They laugh a lot and talk about everything from their favorite theater performances and bands to the best place to find a good plate of Thai food in the city.

After about a month, the conversation somehow shifts to their personal lives.

"So do you have someone back in L.A.?" Lacey wonders over their second beer.

Darren hesitates, looking down into his bottle. "I, um--No, not anymore. I did for a while but that ended before I got here."

"Because you were moving or--?" 

He swallows and looks up. "No. We had our disagreements, but we were really good together for a long fucking time, until we weren't. Then everything turned to shit. It sucked because I--I really loved him, y'know? I wanted it to work."

Her eyes widen briefly and then her gaze turn sympathetic. "We always want it to work, don't we? Even if it might be wrong."

Darren sighs. "True, but when it was right, it was so, _so_ right. I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else." Then he chuckles wryly. "Guess he didn't feel the same way."

"He cheated?" 

Darren thinks about how much he should tell her because he's not sure if anyone is eavesdropping or if he'll end up a blind item in a gossip article somewhere, but he trusts her so he answers. "Not exactly. We broke up and he started dating someone else. But then he told me he still loved me so we kinda fucked around for a bit while he was still with this other dude. I was his guy on the side, I guess. Not my proudest moments."

"Wow. You must've had it bad for him."

Darren thinks of Chris' toothy smile whenever he cracked a joke on set, how hot he looked the night of their first kiss on Chris' twenty-first birthday, and the ring that Darren kept in his nightstand drawer for so long that he marveled at how Chris never found it.

Then he remembers driving to a beach right before he left California earlier this year and throwing that ring into the ocean.

He blinks back to reality where Lacey patiently waits for his response.

"Yeah I did," Darren finally confesses.

They stay silent for a few moments until Lacey speaks.

"Relationships suck sometimes. Most of the time actually." She bites off a piece of her french fry and finishes. "That's why I'm totally done. My last one was kinda rough as well."

"Oh yeah?"

She nods. "My ex was irrationally jealous and possessive. He'd constantly ask me where I was going, what I was doing. He couldn't even believe me when I told him I was getting my nails done. He'd think I was seeing some other guy."

"Were you?"

She shakes her head and takes a gulp of beer. "No. That's the thing. I never gave him a reason not to trust me. I always came home to him every night, even if my friends asked me to hang out with them. One time I was a little late getting back from rehearsal and he accused me of screwing around on him. He wouldn't believe me when I showed him pictures from the studio that I had been in all day. That was the day I packed my shit and moved out."

"Sounds like a fucking jerk."

"Oh, totally. Can't believe I stayed with him so long."

"I wonder the same thing about myself."

"Sure, make it about you." She laughs.

"Hey, we're commiserating here, aren't we?" 

"Meh, you're right. Darren?"

"Yeah?" He asks around a mouthful of pancakes.

"You're a good guy. You'll find the right man."

He swallows and answers, "I'm not--It was only him. I mean, there were other guys but he was the only one I loved."

"So you're open to all the possibilities, so to speak?"

Darren shrugs. "Yeah, I guess. I don't really give a fuck about gender."

He swears her eyes flicker to his lips before she says, "Good to know."

\----

That night they end up making out against his front door but Darren stops it from going any further.

He doesn't need history repeating itself and he can't lose his newfound confidant, so she kisses his cheek and leaves with a simple "See ya later."

Yet loneliness and the craving for sharing orgasms with another person wins out a couple weeks later when they start fucking and keep doing it regularly. Darren figures it's far less risky than when he engaged in drunken hookups the first time he broke up with Chris. Plus he doesn't need the pressure of being in a relationship, especially with a coworker, and fortunately she's cool with it.

He likes that and he likes the life he's building here much more than the one he had in Los Angeles.

But the past comes back to haunt him when he's onstage and he swears he sees a man in the audience with swept-back brown hair and piercing blue eyes that look a lot like Chris'.

He doesn't let it shake him until after the show, gripping the vanity in his dressing room so hard that he feels like it might break off in his grasp. When he looks in the mirror, he remembers the last time he stood in Chris' bathroom in the same position and realized he had to break it off for good. He blinks back tears and reaches for a tissue as a stagehand knocks on his door, asking if he's decent.

When he confirms, the guy, Mike, opens the door. "Got a visitor, Dare. Says he knows you. A, uh, Chris Colfer. You wanna see him?"

Darren wipes off his eye makeup quickly and deliberates, wondering what could possibly be left for Chris to tell him that he would want to hear.

He should say no and leave Chris hanging, the way Chris left him hanging for so many months when he couldn't leave another man for Darren's waiting arms.

Yet he can't quiet the miniscule part of him that still cares how Chris is doing and whether or not he's still with that douchebag, so he turns around.

"Send him in, Mike."

Then the breath whooshes out of him when Chris appears in the doorway, looking a little slimmer than when Darren had seen him in passing last spring but still as gorgeous as ever. His fair skin glows, highlighting his strong cheek bones and those eyes that look a shade of pale blue crystal in the dim light of the room.

"Hi." Chris cautiously steps inside and closes the door, standing across the room from Darren.

"Just wanted to tell you in person how great you were up there. I'm sure you already knew that though," he adds with a small laugh.

He studies Chris' face and remembers his Broadway debut three years ago when he would have killed to hear those words fall from Chris' lips. Instead he had been met with absolutely nothing.

"Yeah I did. Thanks." Darren sighs, turning back toward the vanity to continue cleaning the makeup off his face. "So what brings you to New York?"

"Business. They want to make _The Land of Stories_ into an animated series that I would executive produce and I wanted to have the meeting in person. It's tomorrow but I wanted to fly in early."

Darren pauses, wondering if he came in early to see the show, and consequently to see _him._

But he doesn't ask; he can't bring himself to face the knowledge that Chris' answer will probably be yes because it might mean that Chris cares.

And that might still mean something to Darren.

"That's--That's great," Darren says instead, clutching the tissue in his hand and looking at Chris in the mirror behind him. "There is life after doing a successful television show, isn't there?"

 _And life after you,_ Darren thinks.

"Guess so. My projects haven't been much of a departure, aside from taking a break from acting. You however--Wow."

Darren isn't entirely surprised by the direction of Chris' career post-Glee, though he's secretly kind of glad that Chris hasn't had any major acting roles since then. He must value his experience there as much as Darren does, maybe even more so.

"Thanks again. Y'know, I'm really in my element here," Darren replies, facing Chris once more and letting his uncomfortable suspenders fall to the wayside, still clipped to his pants. "I fucking love it."

Chris steps closer, his mouth falling open and his eyes raking over Darren's body for a moment before he answers, "It shows. Can I--Can I sit?"

"For a bit, yeah. I'm kinda shot right now. I'm not much company."

"If you want, I can just let you go and get normal clothes on."

"What fun would that be?" Darren laughs, letting himself study the lean, strong thigh muscles outlined by Chris' pants.

His mouth nearly waters, imagining another life where they're still together and Chris visits him backstage, congratulating him on his stellar performance by straddling his lap for a quick and dirty rendezvous.

In this life, however, he watches a youthful crinkly smile light up Chris' face and wonders if Chris is dating anyone else.

"I forgot how crazy actors are," Chris says.

"Says the man with a shelf full of accolades for his acting skills," Darren quickly retorts.

"You're right. I'll have to include myself in that then." Chris chuckles, and Darren swears their old rapport is back just like that.

Darren clears his throat, changing the subject. "How long are you in town for?"

"A couple of days. Not sure how long negotiations will be."

"Ahh. Okay. Well, it was good to see you," Darren says honestly.

"You too." Chris takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to add something, but he doesn't.

Chris starts to get up, but Darren reaches out and touches his arm before he can stop himself.

"Hey, Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck. I mean it."

Chris glances down at the touch, and then looks back up, giving Darren a grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Thanks, Darren. I'd say the same to you, but I don't think you need it."

"Oh, I always need it," Darren answers, his hand falling away.

Then Chris says goodbye while Darren watches him disappear from his life and out into the city.

He thought if he ever saw Chris again their meeting would be more climactic than that, filled with the scars of how they ended, but it felt more like old acquaintances catching up with each other.

It makes Darren's gut twist that all they mean to each other now is empty chitchat about updates on their careers, like they didn't love, fight, and fuck with everything they had for three years.

But he brushes it aside in favor of changing his clothes and returning to his current self.

After all, he's moved on, right?

\----

A few days later, he meets Lacey at the diner for their weekly hangout and possible fuck session afterwards. Though they're not together in every sense, they are friends and she has a right to know about his encounter with Chris. Plus it's still weighing on his mind and he needs feedback.

They're sitting next to each other at the serving bar, Darren staring into his plate of scrambled eggs when he brings it up.

"I saw him. The other night at the show. I fucking saw him."

"Who, Dare?"

Darren looks up at her. "My ex. He came to see me after and I let him into my dressing room."

"And, uh, how did that go?" She looks away, scraping her fork across her half-empty syrup-soaked plate of waffles.

"Really strange, actually. It was like we barely knew each other, but at the same time, it was like there was still some chemistry there. I don't know."

"Did he ask about starting things up again?"

"No. He congratulated me on the show and filled me in on what was up with him career-wise. That was pretty much it."

"Doesn't he still live in L.A.?"

"Well, yeah. Thank God." He stabs at his food and swallows it down, thinking of Chris' big, beautiful house that he was ready to call home for himself until Chris kicked him out of his life for a while.

They came back to each other though, unable to resist the pull no matter how toxic it would become to them both.

Her voice breaks his thoughts. "Do you still have a thing for him?"

He pauses before saying, "It would be a terrible idea. It's done. We've been over for a long time."

She sends him a knowing glance. "That wasn't an answer."

"Should we even be talking about this? I mean--"

"Too late. This isn't about me." She gives him a tight smile. "It's about you and you brought it up, so obviously it's bothering you."

"Yeah, but if it bothers you, I can drop it."

"Don't even worry about it. We're friends first, right?" Her grin turns soft and sympathetic, and for a moment he hates dragging her into this but not enough to let the topic go.

"I guess so." He grins back before continuing. "So I thought I was over it but as soon as I saw him all these _feelings_ just showed up out of nowhere, like an instinct that I couldn't control."

"You were with the guy for three years, so like, it's only natural for something to still be there. Doesn't mean you have to act on it." She shrugs.

Suddenly Darren wishes he ordered a beer rather than the tea he's sipping on instead. "I gave him so much and I--I was the one who ended it last time. I left him when he had left me way before that. It was a long time coming but still, when he left my dressing room, it was like he was slipping away again. I thought I was over that feeling."

"You will be. It takes time, Darren."

He warms his hand with his mug, hoping she's right.

\----

As winter sets in, he keeps working on _Cabaret_ and sleeping with Lacey, who sometimes spends the night at his place, but he still feels like something is missing.

Then he'll stand in front of his stove cooking breakfast when he remembers how Chris would come up behind him, his strong arms wrapping around Darren's middle as he kissed his favorite spot on the back of Darren's neck.

Or he'll be shopping in a store where "Baby It's Cold Outside" plays, taking him back to his playful banter with Chris when they filmed Kurt and Blaine's first Christmas together.

Guess he's not as over it as he thought.

Like Lacey advised, he lets those feelings lie and doesn't act on them, not even when the past is staring him in the face once more.

\----

It's early December, just a couple of weeks after his encounter with Chris, when Darren is onstage and catches sight of a familiar profile in the audience, causing him to do an unscripted double take.

It can't be.

But it is because after the show Darren gets a knock on his door from Mike.

"Mr. Colfer is here again, Darren."

He internally debates it for a moment, puzzled as to why Chris would show up again out of nowhere to _his_ show when he could literally be anywhere else.

The beauty of this city is how it offers so many entertainment options that even if Chris found himself stuck in one of the five boroughs for a night or two, he didn't have to be _here._

Darren needs answers.

He sighs in exasperation. "'Kay. Bring him in, man."

Darren looks in the mirror and watches Chris close the door behind him.

This theatre has become a sanctuary where Darren forgets about himself and his past and becomes someone else entirely, which has translated to his offstage life as well.

He's so close to shedding the skin of who he was in L.A. with Chris and is beginning to emerge into the person he's known he always wanted to be.

Now he has Lacey, he has New York, and he has his favorite spots to hang out, all of them free from the touch of one Chris Colfer (he's carefully avoided the places that remind him of location shoots and public appearances that were part of his former life while working in television). 

But of course his ex has to return and destroy everything that Darren's worked so hard to build without him.

"What are you doing here?" Darren snaps.

Chris jumps in shock, his eyes widening with fear as his hand clenches around the doorknob. "I'm--I don't even know, Dare. I'm sorry. I'll go."

He turns from the mirror to face him. "No, Chris. I need an explanation this time. Once, okay, sure." He shrugs. "I can understand that maybe, but twice? You don't even live on the East Coast."

"I know."

"So tell me why you're here."

He levels a fiery gaze at Chris, who blanches, his voice getting uncharacteristically small. "Why do you think, Darren? I--I wanted to see you."

"Well, here I am, so you can go. I'm not your obligation anymore, remember?"

"You were never an obligation, Dare, and I'm sorry I made you think that. I owe you so much more than an apology. If I could rewind time and change what I did last year--"

Darren strides closer to him, cutting him off with a yell. "You can't, so what's the goddamn point? You can't just come back and expect me to forgive you. I'm good here without you. Can't you let me go for once?"

Chris pauses and swallows before saying, "I want--Can we try to be friends at least?"

"Why? So you can ease your conscience about the way you treated me?"

"No, because you deserve better. I was an asshole and I wanna make it up to you, if that's even possible."

Darren sneers. "No. It's not. You were noncommittal about us for months and you couldn't even end it properly, both times. At least I finally saw the light the last time and it was my decision."

"Yeah, and you ran, Darren. After Glee, you just packed up and jumped ship. You always run when things get hard."

 _"Excuse me?_ I run when things get hard? I was the one who tried to put us back together when it was clear that you didn't want me enough to keep working at it. You just stayed because you knew that I would take you back no matter what. Did I have a big sign on my forehead that said 'Use me' or something?"

"I--I'm sorry."

"Apologies won't cut it, Chris."

Chris sighs, looking at his feet. "I know, which is why I--I flew to New York to see you."

"What were you hoping for? Another secret tryst you could hide from your boyfriend?"

"No. I--I don't have a boyfriend anymore and I want to make amends. Please let me," Chris begs, his voice shaky and scared.

Darren can't fall for it again; he won't, even if every cell in his body is screaming to go to him.

It's obvious that Chris has been hurting over what he did and wants him back; Darren knows in his heart that he wants Chris back as well but he wishes he didn't.

He can't forget how Chris screwed him over and he doesn't want to give him the opportunity to do it again.

So he bursts out with, "So now that I'm gone from your atmosphere suddenly I'm worth your time?"

Chris looks back up, his watery eyes a stormy bluish grey as he quietly answers. "I'm sorry that's the impression I'm giving you, but I can see you've changed. I've changed too. Can you give me a chance to get to know you again and maybe you can give me the same?"

"Tell me," Darren catches his breath, attempting to speak calmly. "How have you changed?"

"I can explain that, Dare. Maybe we can have a rational conversation, over breakfast or--or dinner? Are you free right now?"

He considers the offer but he also considers how he begged Chris to communicate with him all those months ago and was met with a strong resistance that he could not break.

Maybe he can break it now, if only to gain some explanation that might lead to closure and to destroying the remnants of his heart that still belong to Chris.

"Fine. I know a diner down the block that's still open."

Darren tries to ignore the way his stomach flips at Chris' hopeful expression and makes him wait outside as he changes.

It's going to be awkward giving Chris a taste of this new life but it could help him say goodbye to the old one once and for all.

\----

Saying farewell proves more difficult than Darren imagines, however, when he sees two young women at a table few spaces away from them who are whispering to each other and glancing in their direction.

"Don't look but my eleven o'clock," Darren gestures, nodding as he sits down at the booth in front of Chris. "I think someone recognized me. Could be Glee fans."

"Oh God. Do you think they're Klainers?"

"Probably." His eyes flicker across one of their faces and he watches her pull her phone out. "Fuck."

He sees Chris' knuckles go white where they're holding onto the menu.

Darren taps Chris' hand in an effort to soothe him, hearkening back to whenever they'd shoot on location and fans would approach.

"Relax. I got this," Darren adds, noticing how Chris' shoulders visibly slacken before he gets up to meet the pair.

"Hey, I'm Darren." He greets them with a wide smile.

"I--I--" the skinny brunette, who looks no more than twenty years old, starts. "I know. I'm sorry if I might've been staring. I just--I know you're here doing a play and I--Oh my God, I can't believe it's you. I grew up watching Glee and Starkid, and now you're here in front of me and not on a screen."

Her friend who's blonde and probably around the same age holds out her phone and offers it to Darren. "What she means is can we take a selfie with you?"

"Sure." He squats down, making sure they're all in the frame before he sticks his tongue out and snaps the picture. "Have you seen the play?"

"Of course we have. A bunch of times actually," the first woman says emphatically. "You were amazing every time we've gone."

Darren blushes but grins again, returning the phone to its owner. "Aww, thanks so much. What's your name?"

"A-Angela," she replies shakily.

"Nice to meet you, Angela. Thanks for your support." He rests his hand over hers for a second and turns to the other girl. "And you are?"

"Sophie. I just loved Glee and your relationship with Kurt on the show so I had to follow your work after that. It really spoke to me after my own struggles with acceptance and finding someone who understood me," she gushes.

"That's--Wow. That's great." Darren touches a hand to his chest, taken aback with how he still occasionally hears stories like this. "I'm glad I could help you in some small way, but y'know I can't take all the credit. I--"

"You had Chris," Sophie blurts out. "I mean, watching you guys together was just magical. It's so nice to see that you still keep in touch with him. That's him over there, right?"

"Can you get him to take a picture with us?" Angela asks excitedly, craning her neck up toward where Chris is sitting.

"Actually we'd appreciate it if you didn't mention he was here. We all know what kind of riot that would start all over the Internet." Darren chuckles.

"But--" Amanda frowns as she turns to her friend but Sophie glares back and interrupts her.

"Sure. Can we at least get an autograph from him before we leave?"

"I'll see what I can do." Darren winks before standing up. "Enjoy your food, guys."

Then he strides back over to his and Chris' booth.

"Total Klainers," Darren remarks when Chris looks up from his menu. "Not the obnoxious kind though. Told them not to mention you were here but they probably already tweeted about it. Oh, and they want your autograph."

"Shit. See, Dare? This is exactly what we--" He pauses and takes out a pen, signing two napkins. "I can sense the conspiracy theories popping up in the Crisscolfer tag on tumblr already."

"Except they're not conspiracies, Chris. They're probably right, even if they don't know the whole story."

"And they never will." Chris glances up again and hands him the napkins. "Go give them these and see what's up. Tell them I'm sorry I couldn't come over."

This is typical Chris, always wanting Darren to do what he tells him. Darren clenches his jaw at the demand but he swallows it down, needing to save face for their fans. He walks back over to the girls' table and quickly slides the two napkins toward them, though they're scrolling through their phones and giggling.

"They weren't even paying attention to me," Darren reports to Chris when he returns. "Most likely they're freaking out with all their friends about seeing us."

"Guess I should've prepared myself for that. We are still Klaine to some people after all." Chris shrugs.

"We are still Klainish," Darren retorts in an accent that sounds vaguely Russian.

Chris rolls his eyes and shakes his head without a word as he looks down at his menu.

"No, but seriously, we're also still Darren and Chris," Darren adds in his normal voice. "Two people who have some shit to work out. Don't let that other stuff take over, not right now."

Chris looks up, studying Darren's face carefully, and then his blue eyes soften.

"You're right," Chris finally answers. "You were always right."

Before they can discuss anything more important, a waitress comes over to take their order.

After Chris gets water and a Diet Coke to go with his plate of fries, and Darren gets pancakes and tea, the only sounds they hear are the sizzling of the fryer, the waitress chatting in the back with the cook and hushed conversation from their fans.

"So," Darren starts, folding his hands on the table. "Explain yourself, Christopher."

Chris toys with the fork in front of him, avoiding Darren's gaze. "I--I messed up with us a lot and I knew going into our relationship that we were so different but I didn't care." He looks up then. "I thought we would work anyway."

"We did. I'm still not hearing an explanation."

"We let work get in the way. I mean, I did. I got so jealous when you went on tour. I know I was being irrational then so we fixed it and I stayed for another year but it was too much. I couldn't live with you hiding your identity to protect me, to protect _us._ I pushed you away to keep you safe."

Their drinks are served, and when the waitress walks away, Darren raises an eyebrow at Chris. "I'm an adult. I make my own decisions. How many times did I tell you that?"

Chris sips his water and replies, "I know that now. I was very misguided and I just--I just want the best for you. That's all."

Darren chuckles wryly as he dumps some sugar and a bit of milk into his mug, and then he stirs it together with a teaspoon. "Was dating another guy part of your big plan as well?"

"Honestly, it kind of was," Chris admits. "He was a distraction. It was nice for a little while."

"So you used him during our breakup, like you used me when you couldn't decide if you wanted to keep me or him around?" Darren shakes his head, dunking his tea bag in his mug.

Chris nods. "I--I'm not proud of what I did, Darren. I thought I was helping you the first time we broke up and being with him made me feel less alone."

Darren takes the spoon out of his mug, letting it clink against the table. "You don't think I felt alone? I risked my fucking safety trying to patch up what you broke. I could have really hurt myself, Chris, fucking random people and getting drunk off my ass all the time. And, y'know what? It didn't even make me feel that much better. So don't try to explain your selfish behavior to me."

"I--" Chris tries, but the waitress sets down his plate in front of him, and then she gives Darren his. When she leaves, Chris starts to speak again. "I was selfish and weak when I took you back, but I felt like I was in an impossible position at that point. The other guy--He liked me and he was so different from you. But when I realized that you still loved me, that maybe we could be something again if I dumped him, I thought I'd screw us up, or you would screw us up, and then we'd be back to square one. So it was easier to just--"

"To string me along? To pretend you didn't love me enough to stick around? I was scared, too, Chris. My--" Darren swallows, lowering his voice. "My feelings for you always scared the shit out of me but you were fucking important to me so I made it work. That's what you do when someone matters to you. You make it fucking work."

Chris reaches for Darren's hand, and when Darren glances down, he reluctantly accepts the offer.

"I know that now. That's what I'm trying to do, if you'll let me. I--I still love you."

Darren's heart leaps at the sentiment but he won't let Chris know that. "You--You're still in California. That's your home and you can't expect one conversation to solve everything between us."

"I know. I'm working on that part too. I'll visit you and maybe we can talk again?"

"Can you understand something?"

Chris nods, and then Darren continues as calmly as possible, trying not to let his reservations about it show up on his face.

"If I agree to this, it doesn't mean that we're back together. It just means exactly what you said, that we're talking again."

"Okay. I understand completely."

"Also, for the sake of full disclosure, I'm kind of seeing someone."

"Oh, okay." Chris' grip on his hand loosens. "That's--that's good. How long?"

"Only a couple of months. She's in the cast. It's not serious or anything."

Chris' face turns pale and his shoulders slump as he lets go of Darren's hand. "Do you want it to be?"

Darren sighs, sipping his tea and picking up his knife and fork. "She's good for me, Chris."

"I see." Chris finally bites down on a fry, and silence lingers between them for a long moment.

Darren cuts a piece of his pancake and swallows, and then he catches Chris' gaze. "She's not you, though."

"For what it's worth, he wasn't you either."

Darren looks away, taking a deep breath. "I can't do it yet, Chris. I need time."

"I'll give it to you. Whatever you need, I'll give it to you."

"Thank you."

"Do you--Do you still have my number?" Chris wonders cautiously.

"Yes." Darren laughs. "It's still under Chris Colfer, like the first day I asked for it when we started filming in Pasadena."

"Your first official day on Glee?"

Darren nods. "Yeah. Haven't changed it in five years."

"You're still DC in my phone."

Darren's heart twists at the nickname of his initials that Chris called him when they first became friends; it reminds him of a simpler time when they didn't realize how much they'd mean to each other.

He knows that at the very least he wants Chris in his life again, though he's not sure in what capacity just yet.

"I--I'll let you know when we can talk this out some more," Darren informs him, choking back tears.

"Okay. That's more than I can ask for. Thank you so much, Darren." 

Chris smiles at him and Darren smiles back.

The rest of their meal is spent with catching up on how _The Land of Stories_ cartoon series is developing, with some storyboards and preliminary voice casting in the works. Darren tells him he's still trying to find time to work on more songs for the album while he's doing the show.

They wish each other luck and Chris insists on paying for the bill, a small consolation for having been such a dick, he explains.

Then they awkwardly hug outside the diner, where Chris' driver is waiting for him. 

As Darren walks back to his apartment, he thinks that Chris still smells like a mixture of Brian, Cooper and home.

But he's thousands of miles from there and from fully forgiving Chris.

He'll have to wait and figure out exactly how to do that.

\----

As the end of 2015 approaches, Darren and Chris text each other almost every day about funny mundane observations or updates on work stuff, sort of like when their friendship first began. They even have a couple of phone conversations, ending their nights with each other.

It's a few days before Christmas when he's at the diner with Lacey and his phone lights up with a text from Chris.

_Hope your performance went well. Have a good night._

Darren beams and types back:

_Thanks. You too._

"Whoa, what's got you so excited, Dare?"

His face suddenly falls. "I, um, I saw my ex a couple of weeks ago."

Lacey raises an eyebrow. "The one that dumped you for another guy and then made you his booty call for months while he was still dating said guy?"

"Yeah. It was more complicated than that, but yeah. One and the same. He came to the show again."

"And you let him in?"

"Yes, and we fought again but then we had a real, honest conversation and we--we agreed to start talking some more."

"Like friendship or," she pauses, glancing down into her coffee mug, "more than that?"

"Right now, I don't know. The only thing I do know is that--" He stops and then continues when she looks back up at him. "I still love him, Lace. I'm sorry."

"I always knew that, but what does that mean for us? Do you wanna go back to being just friends while you two get your shit together?"

He studies her dejected expression and it kills him to inform her, "Yeah, I think that would be best. It's okay if you think I'm a total asshole and you're pissed at me forever."

"You kind of are an ass right now, but at least you're being honest, Dare. I appreciate that. It's just a shitty situation for me, y'know?"

Darren nods and rubs her knee. "I realize that. I'm really, really sorry. I should have never started anything with you."

"I'll be alright. Been through worse." She gulps. "I'm more worried about you honestly. How do you know he won't hurt you again?"

He sighs. "I don't. But I might want to try being with him anyway. I have my eyes wide open this time, I swear."

"Darren, I have experience with this too. What he did to you--"

"Was fucked up, I know. I'm being careful about it. We don't even live in the same state anymore."

"I know that, Darren." She lays a hand over his free one that rests on the counter. "That doesn't make this any safer though. Somebody who really loves you wouldn't treat you like that."

"Maybe. I think we just got caught up in some shit and we lost sight of what really mattered, y'know? We weren't always completely destructive to each other."

"And that's what keeps you coming back, Dare. The hope that things'll be different. If they aren't, how are you going to survive this time?" She gives him a sympathetic look, her hand soft and warm over his.

"Good question, Lace." He pauses, taking a sip of his tea. "I've gotten perspective since the last time. Maybe I'm not the same person I was then. I'm in control now."

"Are you sure about that?" She asks. "This guy has such a hold on you that I don't think you even realize it."

"I'm going to tell you what I told him. I'm an adult and I make my own decisions. If this goes to shit, it's on me."

She lets go of his hand and snaps, "Fine. If that happens, I'll be your friend but I won't be here to pick up the pieces otherwise if you catch my drift."

"I understand."

"You should think very carefully before you rush into anything, okay? I--I really care about you and I don't want to watch you fall apart 'cause I have a feeling it won't be pretty."

"Thanks, Lace. If that happens, I'll handle it in a healthier way, I promise."

"I just want you to be safe, Darren. You deserve so much."

"I know and you've been amazing to me." Darren squeezes her knee. "C'mere."

He hugs her tight, gently rubbing her back and inhaling the light floral scent of her perfume that he knows he'll miss.

"I know we're friends," she mumbles into his shoulder, "but I-I don't think I can hang out with you for a while. I need some time, okay?"

He pulls away from her. "Yeah, alright. I get that."

"After New Year's you totally owe me breakfast though." She smiles at him, but he can see her eyes watering.

He doesn't address it and only smiles back. "Deal."

\----

Darren spends Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in San Francisco with his parents, his brother Chuck, his sister-in-law Lucy, his one-year-old niece Rosemary and various aunts and uncles who stop by his parents' house for Christmas dinner.

It's a nice break from work and romance until Chris texts him and tells him that he's in Clovis. 

Darren briefly thinks of going there or at least extending his West Coast visit for a few days and traveling to L.A. whenever Chris returns there.

He's not ready yet though.

Instead he texts Chris with:

_Merry Christmas._

Chris replies with,

_You too, Dare._

They agree to meet in New York City on New Year's Day so they can work on a fresh start.

For once, Darren can't wait to see him.

\----

They meet for an early dinner inside the restaurant of the hotel where Chris is staying.

Darren debates whether or not he should hug Chris. Though this place is low-key and they may not face the same kind of attention as they do elsewhere, people still might notice. Furthermore, Darren doesn't think he'll be able to let go and they need to take it slow this time around.

He also knows that cold and aloof isn't his style and who the fuck cares about two guys embracing in public in the middle of a city?

So he goes for it, wrapping his arms around Chris and burying his face in Chris' neck for a few moments while he greets him with, "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Dare. I--I missed you," Chris whispers in his ear.

Darren raises his eyebrows and his heart flips happily in his chest. "I, um, I missed you too."

Darren is the first to pull back, clearing his throat.

"I'm trying to be more honest about my feelings," Chris explains. "I figure that's a start."

"Maybe it is, if you can prove it."

"I'm working on it, Darren. I mean that. Come sit with me?" He gestures to the booth behind him.

"Okay," Darren agrees.

Chris takes a seat and Darren sits across from him, their feet awkwardly bumping.

"There's no easy way to say this," Chris starts, taking a deep breath and gripping the glass of soda in front of him, a nervous habit that Darren has noticed before. "I've been working on myself. I've been in therapy."

Darren's eyes widen in shock at the idea of Chris asking for help, considering he was reluctant to ever listen to any of his advice. "How long?" 

"Since shortly after the show wrapped, a little while after the second time we broke up."

"You mean after I broke up with you?"

Chris nods, looking down when the waiter comes over and asks Darren if he wants anything.

"Water, please," he quickly answers and the waiter departs. "That's--Wow. That's kind of amazing, Chris. I hope it's helped you."

"It has," Chris says, meeting Darren's eyes again. "I've learned a lot. I don't expect you to forgive me for everything I've done and for everything I didn't do. But I want--I want to work on being in your life again, whatever that entails, if you'll let me."

He studies Chris' face, so open and vulnerable, and Darren wants to believe him but he needs to keep his guard up.

"I'm the one who screwed up," Chris continues. "I'm trying to extend an olive branch here."

"I know. Even though I agreed to this talk, I think you could understand how I'd be reluctant to accept that."

"I understand. I just--I don't know what to expect here and frankly, I'm terrified."

"I am too, Chris. I'm terrified that you're gonna fuck me over again, and then where will that leave me? I'm fucking dumb enough to destroy my fresh start just for the opportunity to see you again."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm completely single now because I realized how unfair it was to be with someone when I still have unresolved feelings for someone else. I'm not one to lead people on, y'know," Darren snaps, not hiding his malice.

Chris' eyebrows draw together but he doesn't ask any further since the waiter comes back with Darren's drink.

"Can I get you a menu, sir?" The waiter asks. 

"Can you give us a few minutes, please?" Darren asks in return.

"Sure." The waiter looks between them nervously, seemingly sensing the tension. "Take your time."

Chris watches the waiter leave once more and then speaks. "I suppose I deserved that. I hurt you in unspeakable ways when that was the last thing I ever wanted to do."

Darren swallows, looking at him solemnly. "But you did."

"And I can't change that but Darren, I can damn well try to treat you better. I can try to be someone that you--that you deserve." Chris offers his palm, his voice breaking. "New year, new start. That's what we said, right?"

Darren looks down at the table in consideration. "Yeah. A clean slate so to speak, but we shouldn't ignore the old shit and pretend it never happened. Otherwise we'll fall back into our old ways, y'know?"

"You're absolutely right." Chris sighs, turning his hand over. "So a semi-clean slate?"

Darren nods, reaching for Chris' hand before he can stop himself. "Hey," Darren answers. "I'm not saying no to us. I just don't want to rush it, ba--Chris."

He almost curses at his slip of the tongue and doesn't miss how Chris' eyes shine.

"I see what you mean about old ways," Chris says with a laugh and Darren swears it's the sweetest sound he's heard in months.

"Damn it." Darren chuckles. "So do you wanna eat?"

"Honestly, I'd really like to just talk," Chris confesses. "Do you know any good Thai places that deliver?"

An unexpected pang hits Darren's heart when he remembers talking about this exact topic with Lacey only a couple of short months ago but he answers anyway. "That was one of the first things I figured out, man. Wanna ditch this joint?"

"Yeah, I, um, I would love to see your place here if that's okay."

"Yes," he quickly replies. "Your bill?"

"I love how you assume that I'm paying."

Darren tilts his head and smirks.

Chris gives him a knowing look and says, "Fine. I already started a tab here but I'll leave some cash so I don't look like I'm skipping out." He pulls a few bills out of his pocket and leaves them on the table. "Show me the way, Dare."

\----

When they take a cab to Darren's place, they carefully sit in the back without touching, no matter how much Darren aches to run his hand along Chris' thigh.

Darren's always had a difficult time navigating how to touch Chris in public but he's never had that problem in moments like this, which are private enough that he knows no one is looking. When they were together, he could just reach out and know that Chris would respond welcomingly. 

Now that they're in this weird in-between where they aren't boyfriends or even fuck buddies, but somehow still so much more than friends, he's not sure how to act.

Mercifully, Chris quiets his thoughts by tentatively linking their fingers together where they rest on the seat between the both of them.

Chris is still looking straight ahead wordlessly when Darren glances over at him, but Darren doesn't need him to say anything because he understands what the gesture means: _I'm trying._

Then Darren can't help the grin spreading across his face.

Maybe they can make this work.

Chris doesn't even drop his hand as they exit the taxi and head up to Darren's apartment.

Darren wonders briefly if there are any cameras around that might catch them in the act but he hopes that any paparazzi are still lagging behind at the diner. If they are close by, well, he and Chris will have to deal with that shitstorm later. The public and professional part of Darren internally cringes at the drama this could cause but the human part of him that wants his ex back is jumping for joy at what Chris is risking for him, for _them._

Chris used to be someone who would shy away at the mere suggestion of them ever doing anything together that wasn't work related regardless of how innocent it might be so for him to be doing this shows that maybe all that talk about changing isn't simply talk.

Maybe it's real.

Then Chris breaks into his thoughts with a small cautious voice. "Is this--Is this okay, Dare? I mean, I know we're--"

"Relax," Darren interrupts, stopping on the first landing of stairs and looking back at Chris. "I would have told you if it wasn't okay."

It suddenly reminds Darren of when they first officially started dating a little over four years ago, after the Glee Live tour when they were both so young and terrified of this thing blooming between them.

They start up the next flight of stairs and Darren chuckles with the memory of how cute Chris was back then.

"Are you laughing at me, Dare?" Chris sounds from behind him. "Glad my skittishness amuses you."

"It's--I'm sorry. I just--" he stutters out as they climb another flight. "It's kind of cute, okay? How nervous you are, like how we were back before--before everything got crazy, y'know?"

Chris hums in response.

"I wanna--I miss that version of us," Darren murmurs after they walk up one last flight of stairs and stop at his apartment door.

Chris rubs Darren's knuckles with his thumb and replies softly, "Me too, but we can't go back. We can only move forward."

"You're right. This time, at least." He fishes his keys out of his pocket and laughs before opening the door. "So this is my place. It's not much but--"

Chris glances around the space, which consists of a decent-sized kitchen with high end appliances and a modest living room that holds Darren's baby grand plus a sofa, a couple of chairs, a coffee table and a flat screen television. Off to the side there's a hallway where his bathroom and bedroom are.

He knows he could have afforded something much more ostentatious with all the money he socked away from Glee but after the glittery Hollywood lifestyle that included Teslas and parties with too much top shelf liquor, he wanted to pare down to the basics.

"It's you. The piano's all you really ever needed, honestly. You said that once, right?" Chris remarks, letting go of Darren's hand and walking toward the far end of the room where the piano overlooks the huge window.

Darren remembers sitting at his old piano in L.A. when he was trying to write a song and Chris distracted him as he sat on his lap.

_"You need some inspiration?" Chris asked, kissing his neck._

_"Tour's comin' up. I need to finish this song, so I, unhh, I kinda need the piano, babe."_

_"You need a break," Chris whispered against Darren's skin. "You need me."_

_Darren raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. "Oh yeah?"_

_"Uh huh. Maybe I can provide a release?" Chris rolled his hips and ground down against Darren's groin._

_His brain grew fuzzy and his blood rushed south. "'Kay. I lied. I need you and the piano. But I'll take--fuck." He groaned and brought his mouth closer to Chris' own. "I'll take the former right now."_

_"What a brilliant idea, Dare." Chris smiled and kissed him on the mouth, the song soon forgotten in favor of losing themselves in each other._

Darren shakes the memory away and returns back to reality where Chris sits at the bench of Darren's new piano (the old one still remains at his place in Los Angeles; he wanted new stuff to go with his new life in this city).

"I didn't exactly say the piano was all I needed." Darren crosses the room and strokes the shiny, black top of the instrument reverently, absently wondering if Chris notices it's not the exact same one he used to play. "I needed a guitar too," he adds cheekily.

But then he meets Chris' gaze, those blue eyes piercing right through him as they flicker across his face. 

"That's true," Chris laughs wryly as he looks away. "How easily I forget."

"So, um, how long are you in town for this time?" Darren wonders, joining Chris at the piano and dropping the banter.

"At least long enough to see you perform again, Mr. Emcee, and maybe another dinner with you?"

"You're not busy with your cartoon show, or writing, or anything else?"

"Consider this a mini-vacation. I took a break to see you."

"You, taking a break?" Darren scoffs, tapping a key. "That's like me taking a break."

"Some things are worth taking a break for." Chris lays a hand over Darren's, where it rests on the piano keys. "I wanted to focus on you."

Darren's heart threatens to overflow at the sentiment, so decisive and clear in its meaning, unlike last year when they would fuck and Chris would go back to his new boyfriend.

"I don't want anyone else. I only want you. You--You're it for me. I know that now," Chris continues.

"I've always known." Darren looks up at him, his eyes watering. "You've been it for me too, ever since we met and--and even when we were broken up and I didn't want you to be. I wanted to do everything for you, _be_ everything for you."

"Well, I want to be everything for you. I'm going to be, I promise." Chris reaches his hand out, a thumb wiping away tears that Darren didn't even realize were falling. "I'm yours, Dare. Always."

Another memory flashes in Darren's mind, of Central Park and a phone call in summer 2014 where he begged Chris to say those exact words, and he reluctantly did, even though Chris was seeing someone else.

Now that there aren't any other people in the way, the phrase rings truer and Darren doesn't want to deny himself anymore.

As soon as Chris' hand falls away, Darren leans in, brushing his lips against Chris' own. 

"I'm still yours too, Chris," he states breathlessly, so close to the taste he thought he had forgotten.

"I want to--Please, let me," Chris implores longingly.

Darren nods and Chris slowly, carefully presses their mouths together while one of Chris' hands gently curves around Darren's hip.

Darren already knows it's not enough and it never will be, so he counters by sliding his tongue along the seam of Chris' lips.

Chris squeezes Darren's other hip and opens up for him willingly, allowing Darren's tongue entry inside.

Darren's hand clangs against the piano keys as he moves closer, awkwardly straddling one of Chris' legs and then cupping Chris' face with both of his sweaty palms.

Chris surges forward, Darren's lower back digging into the piano uncomfortably but he doesn't even care, especially as Darren's hands fall away and Chris' lips trail down the column of his neck.

"Fuck, baby," Darren blurts out.

"Yeah? You taste so good. I--I've missed this."

"Me too."

"But y'know it's not just about this. I hope I've made that clear."

"Y-yes," Darren stutters out.

Chris nuzzles at the base of Darren's neck. "I know I didn't show up enough, ever, but I will. I'll promise I'll be here whenever you need me."

Darren struggles to find purchase on the keys and reaches out, holding tight onto Chris' strong shoulders. "'S okay. I--I believe you."

"It's not okay. It never will be, but I can try harder this time, I--I fucking swear, Dare. Baby, I--"

"We'll figure it out, alright?" Chris nods and when they kiss once more, Darren can feel the wetness on Chris' cheeks so he breaks away, brushing his lips there, and on Chris' nose, his forehead, his jaw.

"'M with you. You're here now," Darren continues to reassure him.

"Mmm. I don't deserve you," Chris whispers, his hands gliding underneath Darren's shirt. 

"That is absolutely correct." Darren lightly laughs, pulling back to see Chris' brilliant blue eyes shining but there's a smile on his lips.

"God, I love you so much."

Darren can't say it back, not when they're still so fragile and new, even if he knows it's true. Instead he brings their mouths together again and hopes Chris understands.

Chris breaks away, a harsh breath escaping his lips before he asks, "Can I--Can I stay? We don't have to, um, y'know, have sex or anything. I kind of wanna hold you. That's all."

"I would very much enjoy that." Darren pecks Chris on the nose. "Do you wanna borrow some clothes? I know those skinny jeans are not comfortable for sleeping in."

"Nope, not at all. Thank you so much for everything. You didn't have to hear me out. It's more than I ever could have asked for."

Darren simply grins again and drags him off to the bedroom, making out some more until they grow too tired and Chris declares himself the big spoon as expected.

Then Darren offers him an old shirt and a pair of boxers, turning away to strip off his own pants and shirt as Chris changes.

Darren settles in and lets Chris' comforting embrace surround him. As Chris' lips ghost over the back of his neck, he feels more at home in his own bed than he has since he left California. 

Darren finds himself dangerously thinking that maybe Chris belongs here; maybe _they_ belong here together.

Maybe New York can still be theirs like they dreamed. But they just found their way back to each other and for now, that's enough. 


End file.
